“The constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.”
Benjamin Franklin
Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Santa Fe
RSSFight Fair: According to Feiler in The Secrets of Happy Families, learning to handle conflict and disagreement is a huge happiness tool. A couple of hints: people are vulnerable when they are transitioning from one place or group to another so be particularly patient at these times. 2) If happiness together is the goal then the only way to win an argument is to have everyone happy with the outcome! Oh and it helps if you are sit on cushioned chairs when you are sorting things out! (really)
- Happiness Practices by Rev. Gail Marriner, Minister, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Santa Fe
Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
While no one else can make you happy, while you can’t actually guarantee the happiness of anyone else, much of what I have been reading suggests that we are happier together than we are alone. So this month, I offer some suggestions for practices to make us happier together – drawn from Feilers’ new book The Secrets of Happy Families.
Share Stories: Feiler suggests that if a group wants to be happier together it helps if every one knows the groups stories - not just the stories about the good times or the bad times but the whole roller coaster. Share the history of struggles and successes, hard times and happy times, up and down and up, again and again. Don’t forget to include the funny things so you can laugh together!
- Happiness Practices by Rev. Gal Marriner, Minister, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Santa Fe
I can remember being miserably sick and alone in grad school and it occurred to me that if I wanted to be cared for and cherished until I felt better I was going to have to do that for myself. It was a stunning thought – that I could care for myself as tenderly and as firmly as I anticipated caring for a child I loved. And so I did. I changed my sheets and took a shower and made myself soup and called my Mom on the phone and I felt better. When I feel sick or under the weather I remind myself that self-care is a matter of treating myself with the same tenderness I offer my family (and these days they delight me by reciprocating). I commend the practice to you as part of your happiness toolbox.
Happiness Practices. Rev. Gail Marriner, Minister, UU Congregation of Santa Fe.
Silver Linings” is a happiness strategy based on an exercise in a book titled, What Happy People Know. The author suggests that when you are faced with a difficult situation you make a list of at least five positive things about the situation. For instance, when my first marriage ended in divorce nearly twenty years ago, the silver linings I discovered included experiencing amazing support from my community, and realizing I could seek a ministry any place in the country. Try it…
- Rev. Gail Marriner, Minister, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Santa Fe. Happiness practices
Stand for kindness pledge
I pledge to speak in a kind way
and to help others throughout my day.
I will not harm others with words or deeds
and I will stand up when there’s a need.
- Kindness pledge from Interfaith Alliance Project in Santa Fe, NM. http://www.standupforkindness.com/
For all the shattered hearts - a prayer
The snow was falling in Santa Fe this morning - fat white flakes swirling in the wind
and I turned on the radio to listen for school closings ..
“18 dead in a Connecticut elementary school this morning ” the announcer was saying …
Unaware - my children romped laughing across the snowy playground.
The shooter is dead – hardly more than a child himself at 21 – and his mother – a kindergarten teacher and how many, oh my lord, how many of her kindergarten students … they were only five years old … how can it be?
It is the seventh night of Hannukah. As the snow falls a friend’s daughter sings the Hebrew blessings at our table and my children light the Advent candles. Our table is full of lights that shine there, recalling miracles and marking the days, and lighting the way for the birth of love, for the prince of peace…
Can they see the candle flames through their tears tonight? The mothers and the fathers, the brothers and sisters, the friends and teachers, spouses and children and classmates whose hearts were broken this morning? Can they see the stars and the crescent moon that shine through the rips in the clouds?
Oh holy one of blessing,
Oh love incarnate in the child in the manger,
Oh brothers and sisters,
Hold the bereft and shattered tenderly this night
Be with them – their pain escapes my imagining …
And let those of us who sit far away in our living rooms weep as we watch the Hannukah candles flicker out. Let us mourn until it is time to quench the candles in the Advent wreath.
Let us rage as the snow falls softly and the stars flicker between the clouds.
And then let us begin.
There is no choice my friends.
I do not know how, but
we must change the world.
Oh holy one of blessing,
Prince of peace,
Child of light,
Help us to begin.
- Rev. Gail Lindsay Marriner, Minister, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Santa Fe.
bah! Humbug! No one said you have to be happy ever single minute of every day. If you hate mistletoe and you think you will scream if you have to listen to one more moment of holiday music on the radio or in the stores and you are sick of the crowds doing the shopping thing and you are allergic to cute children and kitties and snowmen and mangers –its ok. Go ahead and blast Led Zeppelin or some New Orleans jazz or whatever acoustic antidote purges the holiday sweetness from your ears. Eat something bitter like spinach or chili peppers to cleanse the sugar from your palate. Leave the crowds behind and go walk in the arroyo and enjoy the natural world which cares nothing about human festivals. This too shall pass.
- Rev. Gail Lindsay Marriner, Minister, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Santa Fe. Happiness practices
Say Thank You: Life is so precious. Every time a member of our congregation dies , or receives a challenging diagnosis I am reminded of how fragile and resilient the human body and spirit are. I am reminded of what a precious gift it is to be alive, here, with the deep sky and the mountains, the clean air and people I care about. To be aware of our good fortune and grateful for what we have – even in the midst of the hard stuff – supports our deep happiness. How many small specific things can you remember to be grateful for in the days ahead. How many little ways can you imagine to say thank you for those blessings.
- Rev. Gail Lindsay Marriner, Minister, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Santa Fe. Happiness Practices
About Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Santa Fe
